Ebay Morons Galore!

September 4, 2007

Email Bin #2

Filed under: jerseys, stupid emails — J @ 4:04 am

Let’s see what the ol’ Inbox brought in this week. As always, their emails are in red, my responses are in blue (where applicable), and my commentary is in black. Note how everyone here has the spelling ability of a dog rolling around on a laptop.

Hey dane i love the Adam archuleta jersey and want to buy it and i was woundering if i could send u the money in the mail would that be possible? i really want his jersey and i really dont want to buy from NFL shop for $70 so u think i could send the money through the mail.
– kane6662

Who the hell is “dane”? I was really hoping this guy was Canadian, because his bizarre spelling of wondering with a U is too appalling for someone who managed to create his own ebay screen name. The item in question is an Adam Archuleta Rams jersey, who hasn’t played for that team in years and has been on two teams since. I don’t think you can buy that one in the NFL Shop anymore.

is this the only pacman jones jersey available on ebay
is ther going to be anymore lol
– 8896jeffrey

What the fuck is this shit? Do I look like your personal ebay search engine? I don’t know if “ther”‘s going to be anymore, since I do not work for Reebok and I’m too busy eating various forms of hamburger to finish my time machine.

kayla4200 is the winner.


is yor name steve toregiante? if so you sent me the wrong package. please contact me asap. thank you..

This person has bought like three things in 2007 and can’t even keep them straight. Obviously I’m not Steve Toregiante, no matter how much I would like to be, and this woman just bought her item ONE DAY before sending this email. I don’t know how people like this manage to function.

clemdeezz is a potential buyer.


Do u have this jersey in size L?

This is a vintage jersey from 1986, not something you can order many of from a store. This is the only one I’ve ever had in ten years of selling. If you’re interested, I suggest you bid, since you may not see one of these for a long time.

Yeah, I have a huge stack of 20-year-old Mets jerseys lying around. No problem, let me mail you a size large. Don’t even worry about paying. They are so common, they are worthless.

I get that question far too often for vintage shirts. It’s really pathetic.

andriusbarkauskas is a bidder.


hi i want to buy this VC jersey,medium size. How much do you want for it ? i am from Europe,Lithuania,so how are you going to send to me this jersey?How long it takes to come to me? And the most important how do i have to pay you? I am new here,so don’t know much.Can i go to the bank and send the money to your bill? If you let me know about everything and let me buy this jersey i’ll be veruy happy.

This worthless sack of Euro-trash ended up winning the jersey and never paid, even though I told him exactly how. I require all bidders to have a Paypal account, so obviously he has one. I sent him a dozen invoices and he never paid. Ever since I implemented this rule, very few people have failed to pay. This guy is one of them. Eat a bag of dicks, Andrius Baraaksuasuasukkkasus.

Here’s a Paypal payment I got the other day. Name and address edited out for obvious reasons.

Shipping Information

suite #190
Phoinex, AZ 85008

That has got to be the worst spelling of Phoenix I’ve ever seen. Normally when people with a third-grade education misspell Phoenix, it’s “Pheonix,” which I personally think looks ridiculous, but at least it’s common. I didn’t want the postal clerk to think I was severely retarded, so I spelled the city correctly and it arrived just fine.

Item: Phoenix Suns AMARE STOUDEMIRE Jersey L/Large

renzobcn is a potential buyer.


Please, name’s player and NBA logo’s are sewing or serigraphied?Answer me fast please!!!

Renzobcn raised a good point in his question, and since I did not know if the name’s player and NBA logo’s were sewing or serigraphied, I decided to call Reebok HQ.

“Thank you for calling Reebok product assistance. This is Marcia. How may I help you?”

“Quickly, are name’s player and NBA logo’s sewing or serigraphied? Please!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Are Amare’s name player and NBA logo’s sewing or serigraphied? This is not a hard question and I know you know the answer. Hurry!”

“Who is this?”

“This is Justin calling on behalf of Ren Zob. Answer me fast please!”

Then the fat cow hung up on me. I emailed renzobcn the bad news, but my response was not fast enough.

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