Ebay Morons Galore!

November 28, 2007

Stupid shit people have included with their Paypal payment

Paypal sucks and we all know that already, but they do make a pretty good job of making things easy for buyers. Once your account is set up, all it takes is a few mouse clicks to pay for an ebay item. They’ve even fixed the combined shipping problem which used to be a hassle for years. However, dumb people still screw things up and people put some really stupid crap in the “Note to Seller” section. Their text is in red; I am in black.

Note to seller:
If possible please use as return address: Ultimate Sports Enterprises P.O. Box XXXXX YYYYY, OH 44ZZZ

What? Why would I want to give someone else credit? The jersey came from me, not some crappy company from Ohio. Let’s look them up.

Wonderful. It’s a second-rate Yahoo sporting goods store. Anyone up for KC Royals Tailgating Merchandise? Do people tailgate for baseball games to begin with?

I also did a whois search on their domain, and the name registered didn’t match the name that bought the jersey, even though the Paypal email was an admin account from the domain. What does it all mean? Hell if I know.

Literally minutes later, I receive another payment with this stupid note attached:

Note to seller:

I guess I’m delivering this one myself. Who’s up for a road trip to Liverpool, NY?

Here’s another one that reminds me of the return address loser above:

Note to seller:
If possible, include a gift card saying:  Happy Belated Birthday, enjoy!.  Love, T,M,Z&G.

There is absolutely no way that is happening. I’m an ebay seller, not the museum gift shop. I really hope Derek enjoyed his unlicensed Trinidad 2006 World Cup jersey, even though it was late. It’s a shitty gift made worse, because it took four people to come up with it. If four of my friends or family members came together to get me cheap bootleg garbage, I’d be pissed.

The last one for today happened a while ago, but it’s still hilarious and the ultimate standard of Note to Seller stupidity:

Note to seller:
Hi! Sorry about the delay! Here is payment for the above, plus some suggestions for preparation and packaging: If necesary to fold, PLEASE do so in manner so as NOT to crease screenprinted lettering/logos; then CAREFULLY envelop in tissue or wrap (NO TAPE) to ensure against dust, fingerprints, staining, snags, stretching, or tears to garment; and finally, place between TWO appropriate sized backing boards to keep sturdy, flat, and again to avoid ANY markings, pinholes, pilling, discoloration, deformation or rips. If any tags, keep INTACT and ATTACHED, preventing these from folds or edge fraying as well. I appreciate the throughness and added precautions, as I do like my collectibles to arrive in PRISTINE condition. A heavy duty reinforced mailer, or box with bubble wrap for cushioning, and to keep jostling/shifting minimal would be great to. Let me know funds received and order being readied at jpXXXXX@yahoo.com or ebay. Hope you are well and enjoying the Summer! JP

Are you kidding me? He won some old dirty Toronto Blue Jays jersey and he wants it wrapped in tissue paper and sandwiched by cardboard? Yeah, I’d hate to get fingerprints on your jersey. Eat a bag of dicks. Who has time for that? You didn’t win an autographed Ben Franklin 8×10, you won something a fat guy sweat in and probably spilled mustard on. I folded it and threw it in a brown 9×12 envelope like I do for all other transactions and I later received a positive feedback. I guess he was joking.

November 7, 2007

More things I’ve never seen before

Filed under: jerseys, stupid emails — Tags: , — J @ 2:42 am

My last post was about a moron who tried a Mutual Feedback Withdrawal for a POSITIVE feedback he left me, which I had never heard of until it happened. I thought I had seen it all in nearly a decade of selling, but here’s some more recent stuff that breaks new ground in terms of functionally retarded people playing on ebay. Remember that red is their emails, blue are my email responses and black is my commentary.

I received this question for a football jersey I paid $10 for that usually sells for $15 or so.


Haha, thanks for the stupid offer. I don’t care what jerseys you own. Either buy the jerseys or don’t.

Fuck you

I had a laugh, deposited the email in my Funny Ebay gmail category, and figured I’d be done with this guy forever. Not so much. I didn’t realize it when it happened, but a few weeks later, he bought a totally different jersey from me and left me a glowing positive feedback:

five star seller-recommend w/ highest regard product mint condition/great prices

Here’s one I got last month. It’s about a Michael Bennett Vikings jersey:

how much would you charge me if this jersey was autographed by MICHAEL BENNETT ??

What are you talking about? I don’t get or sell autographs.

Seriously, what kind of a question is that? Bennett isn’t some huge star. Would it even increase the value at all? And why does it matter what I’d charge? The jersey I’m selling isn’t autographed and nothing I sell suggests that I sell autographs. What a nut.

I am not trying to tell you what you got but I noticed on your jersey it does NOT have the NFL patch in the V of the neck but rather the horseshoe under it which is classified as a tabby jersey..the type you would buy in the superstores such as Sam’s, wal-mart,etc…I am a dealer and didn’t know if you were aware of that or not…Just trying to help…

I don’t understand the point of your email. I am a dealer too and the jersey is accurately described and photographed. Where do I say that it has the NFL Equipment patch?

Thanks for the email, helpful insane man who lives underneath the highway overpass! A “tabby” jersey? I’ve also seen the kind of jerseys they sell at Wal-Mart and they look nothing like the ones I sell. I get the “I AM A SELLER TO, SO PLZ LISTEN TO MY ADVISE” emails all the time, but never are they this wrong and crazy.

Hello I am interested in your fur coat you have for sale. I was wondering if you could provide me with some more photos of this coat being modeled on someone so I can see how it will look before I bid. Take photos of the front, back, side, and the hood up and down in the back. This way I can see if it is ok. Just email them to me when you can. Thanks. BECCA

You can’t possibly be serious.

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