Ebay Morons Galore!

May 7, 2008

I know, I know, I am a terrible person but this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen (Ebay Morons Hall of Fame Idiot #1)

It’s about time I created a Hall of Fame for those special morons, the ones that make you laugh every time you read their emails, the ones that transcend all name-calling and must be seen to be believed. Halls of Fame must be opened with a bang, though, and I know just the guy to start.

Unfortunately, this is also the *only* ebay moron I’ve ever dealt with that I’ve felt even the smallest tinge of pity for when it was over. As you’ll see, I couldn’t even respond to his last two emails. I abused this guy strictly for laughs. He was my cheap Taiwanese comedy whore.

Oh shit, who cares, this is too funny not to share.

What’s funny is that this guy wasn’t even a customer of mine. He was just some loser with too much time on his hands. He sent me this message via the “Ask Seller a Question” form on a Buffalo Sabres jersey I was selling. He’s in red and my replies are in blue. Like always, everything is unaltered, exactly how I received it.

You state:
Cheapest price ANYWHERE on the internet and in stores!!

I saw this at AJ Wright for $49.99 just on Tuesday.

What’s AJ Wright?

uh it’s a store owned by TJ MAXX

Who’s this TJ Maxx fellow? I’ve never heard of him. Sounds like a fake name.

At this point, I’m clearly just messing with him. Of course I know what AJ Wright is. It’s a major national department store. There’s hundreds of them across the country. That’s like not knowing what Macy’s or Sears is. Would this guy catch on?

Yea ok act stupid or something you know what I am talking about and in fact I bought two and have the receipt to show you which I can scan.

Okay, he did catch on. I guess this guy isn’t *that* stupid. Wait a minute…

Could you? I simply don’t believe you.

Here you go and I have pics of the 2 jersey’s.

Stop playing stupid.

Attached file:

the receipt scan he sent me

Well, that’s basically unreadable. Seriously, using a scanner is NOT this difficult. The image border is mine. I had to do a simple photoshop edit to actually look at what he sent me. Here’s that:

'shopped receipt

Yup, so that’s a receipt all right. At this point, this is already pretty funny. He’s already willing to scan a receipt and upload it to a complete stranger on the internet. Could I make this guy do more? Yes, yes I could.

Come on. We both know that doesn’t prove anything. Where on the receipt does it say “Impossibly Cheap Buffalo Sabres Mitchell & Ness Jersey — $49.99”? You could have bought any two items from that store that cost $49.99, inlcuding a recently returned toaster oven and a large teddy bear wearing a top hat with a cane. It also doesn’t prove it’s yours. You could have easily found that on the street, flying in the breeze.

If you really want to prove your point, I’m going to need to see a photo of you, holding a jersey in each hand, with a sign saying “XXXXXXX@cs.com” in front. Simply having a pic of the jersey doesn’t cut it, either, because those could have been lifted from anyone’s ebay auction (even mine!). I just think you’re making the whole thing up.

Ok, there’s absolutely no way he’s going to do this. Who would go to such lengths to prove some stranger wrong on the internet? Remember, he’s not even a customer or potential customer. He even admits I’m playing stupid with him! I’ve had my laughs, but I just went a little too far. I’ll never hear from him again. Time to file this one in my Funny folder and move on.

But wait…

Oh shit.

Come on.

No fucking way.

Not ONE HOUR later, I receive an email from him, with an attachment!

I just think your being stupid because you know that your not the cheapest.

Your pic is attached.

I will await your apology.

PS after I have them rerung and use gift certificates I bought thru DEALPASS I will only be paying $42 a piece.

Attached file:

what more can i say?

Good lord man, have some dignity. After staring at the screen for about 10 minutes, I felt like Cartman on that one episode of South Park where he sees the funniest thing in the world (Kenny’s ass on the missing kids section of a milk carton) and now nothing else is funny. What else could possibly top this? This happened ~20 months ago and nothing has come close and no previous imbecile has come close.

This is the funniest ebay moron I’ll ever deal with.

Seriously, just think about this situation from his point of view. What did he tell the person who took the photo? “Oh, it’s nothing. This is to prove I bought these jerseys cheap. No, I am not insane, why do you ask?”

I was left speechless. What more could I say? This was perfect. Maybe I could have pushed it farther. “That’s still not proof it’s you. Make a movie of you putting the jersey on, while writing your email address on the crest in thick black Sharpie. Then, after you’re done editing the video, put it on YouTube so I can really be sure you bought those jerseys at that price. Otherwise you’re lying.”

After two days:

No Comment huh?

Nope, none.

By the way, if I happen to not update this for a while, it means this guy has somehow tracked me down and has crushed my body into a cube. It could happen. He’s clearly crazy. Just look at those eyes. Damn.


  1. Thank you for posting this….
    I expetced another buyer horror story but I found myself cracking up and then laughing and laughing; and after the crummy day I had, it was just the thing I needed to pick me up out of the doldrums.

    Comment by Sami — May 8, 2008 @ 6:10 pm

  2. Epic.


    Comment by Gapporin — May 22, 2008 @ 3:47 am

  3. I love what a complete and total moron he looks in the picture. You gotta figure he goes by “Bubba” or “Junior”, you know?

    Comment by bonni — May 27, 2008 @ 6:38 am

  4. Well, I guess he showed you. I hope his “victory” is as sweet as maple syrup.

    Seriously, though… what kind of satisfaction does a complete loser like that get out of something like this? I just don’t understand the subhuman race sometimes…

    Comment by Brian Deuel — May 30, 2008 @ 8:01 am

  5. J., you’re right, nothing else eBay will ever be so funny again.

    You’ve ruined my life. Thank you šŸ˜‰

    Comment by Sue @ TameBay — July 7, 2008 @ 3:47 am

  6. Yeah, sure, he’s silly to spend so much time on this. But you seem to be way mean. Which is, in my book, a whole lot worse. I hope you will become kinder and put your time and gifts to better uses.

    Comment by Keara — July 7, 2008 @ 5:05 am

  7. The guy is dumb and it’s probably best you didn’t do business with him. It seems, though, that he asked a valid question. If you’re going to post comments like “Cheapest price ANYWHERE on the internet and in stores!!”, then you’re going to attract these kinds of people. Your initial reply to him (which you seem to think is very witty and clever) is unprofessional – I’d be ticked off too.

    Comment by Steve J — October 17, 2008 @ 4:06 pm

  8. It’s best I didn’t do business with him? That was never a possibility! He wasn’t a potential buyer. He was likely looking up the jersey to see what they were selling for on ebay.

    Apparently you, Steve J, have never heard of hyperbole. Yes, because every unprovable statement made by anyone selling anything is going to be 100% accurate. Ever hear a car commercial on the radio? How many calls do you think they get from angry listeners calling them out on not having “the best prices IN THE UNIVERSE!!!” I’ve sold tens of thousands of items over the last decade and I usually include some line like “cheapest price anywhere.” This moron was the only person to EVER bring it up.

    My initial reply was “What’s AJ Wright?” If someone gets seriously ticked off by that, they need professional help and probably shouldn’t be using a computer, let alone ebay.

    Comment by J — October 17, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

  9. You’re own quote: “At this point, Iā€™m clearly just messing with him. Of course I know what AJ Wright is.” Both of you know what it is and both know that the other knows what it is. Being coy is not a good way to open a dialog. Somebody with this attitude shouldn’t be using a computer, much less SELLING on ebay. Perhaps a real job is in order.

    Comment by Steve J — October 19, 2008 @ 10:30 am

  10. “Open a dialog?” We are not ambassadors from rival nations. He’s some idiot trying to prove a point, very poorly, to a stranger on the internet and I’m the horrible jerk that’s exploiting him, very successfully, for some easy laughs. Are you really that dense that you think I communicate with actual valued customers this way?

    I have a real job, one that’s better than 98% of all jobs possible. Ebay is just a profitable hobby.

    Comment by J — October 19, 2008 @ 11:52 am

  11. * Post removed due to extreme stupidity, and not the funny kind. If you’re going to be a troll, at least be funny. *

    Comment by Andy — December 3, 2008 @ 11:18 am

  12. * Response removed due to extreme awesome. *

    Comment by J — December 3, 2008 @ 1:43 pm

  13. * Response removed due to even more extreme stupidity. Be funny or informative or don’t post. *

    Comment by Andy — December 5, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

  14. A bit late to the party, but those 2 jerseys he’s holding are counterfeit. I’m a bit of a fanatic when it comes to hockey apparel/merchandise and I can usually tell within a minute whether it’s fake or not, so I am very certain of this.

    Nonetheless — hilarious.

    Comment by Bucky — February 13, 2012 @ 12:43 am

    • No, they’re quite real and I am 100% certain. They’re Mitchell & Ness throwbacks and they did indeed come from AJ Wright. AJW had a contract with M&N to sell the factory defects and previous year jerseys that weren’t popular. They look shiny and fake in the photo due to his crappy camera.

      Comment by J — February 14, 2012 @ 12:54 am

      • Are you sure? Because even without checking, I thought the logos were WAY off compared to the actual one: http://sportslogos.net/logo.php?id=230

        The shape of the charging buffalo looked very off to me in the photo, as if someone tried to reproduce it.

        Comment by Bucky — February 14, 2012 @ 1:14 am

      • It’s real. I bought one for myself there and there is no doubt it’s legit. I’ve actually never seen a fake of this particular jersey. It was a limited run back in 2005 and most people didn’t pay the $300 M&N retail price. Even if I had my doubts, these were sold in a major nationwide department store. Could you imagine the shit the TJX corporation would be in for selling fake M&N gear to thousands of customers in hundreds of stores?

        Comment by J — February 14, 2012 @ 1:19 am

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