Ebay Morons Galore!

January 4, 2008

New Year, Same Ol’ Nutjobs

Here’s some fun emails I’ve received over the last few weeks. I know the holidays make some people a little crazy, but this is too much. Morons in red, emailed replies in blue, ass-kicking commentary in black, MAGIC BONUS TEXT in purple.

I made an offer on this item, you accepted. then you never followed thru. that is terrible Ebay practice. I was hoping to give that jersey to my son for christmas. Thanks for nothing. I am going to report to ebay about your practices.

I read that email and I thought to myself, “Holy shit, did I forget to mail something?” I actually do try to get items mailed ASAP during December and my way of record-keeping makes forgotten shipments a thing of the past. I looked up their username and found that they never actually bought anything from me.

What happened was they wanted an item that didn’t sell, they made an offer, I said sure, “pay and I’ll ship tomorrow,” and that was the last I heard from them. Clearly this is my fault. Also this email was sent on Dec 18, which is still a full week before Christmas Day. I sent them another invoice and again, nothing.

Uh oh, I better watch out because they are going to report me to ebay for not shipping an item they didn’t win or pay for. I’m on the bad seller train, first stop: Suspension Town.

Let’s not forget that the item in question was a dirty Drew Brees Chargers jersey, who hasn’t played for that team in quite some time. What a shitty gift. I did that kid a favor.



Hi it has been 20 days since I have paid you for this jersey, where is it and why is your shipping so fucking slow???

I am going to basically leave you a negative now because the shipping is so damn slow, thanks anyhow.

What is the matter with you? I mailed the jersey the day after you paid via International Priority Mail, which is the fastest way to Canada, aside from EMS, which would have cost you $40. It’s the holiday season and the mail can take anywhere from a week to a month. I do not work for Canada Post and I am not your mailman, so what do you want me to tell you?

You know, as much as I hate receiving shipping status emails, I hate snarky, passive-aggressive bullshit like this even more. You’re “basically” going to leave me a neg? Just how would that work?

I love the “your shipping is slow” line too. People have to know that once a seller drops off an item at the post office, it’s physically and figuratively out of their hands, right? Right…? Oh god they don’t.



Hey Mario,

Any progress on closing the auction so I can pay you?

Thank, Tom

Who the hell is Mario and why should I thank Tom?



i not griping but why no confirmation

This email isn’t taken out of context. They bought an item, paid, and the next day I see that in my inbox out of nowhere. What?



Email Subject: just tracking down my order
if and when you send it out i want to no so i can leave feed back

“If” I send it out? Wow, I didn’t know that was an acceptable option. This makes sense, though, because I suppose if you’re the kind of person that can’t spell “know” and “feedback,” you’re used to losing money left and right.



The Quebec Rafales were NOT the ancien Nordiques. Check your infos before posting those errors. The Rafales were in the IHL.
– crj50

Where do I say that the Rafales are the Nordiques? Learn how to read an item description.

Let me just check my “infos” to make sure. Direct from my item description:

“Up for auction today is one Quebec Rafales #15 hockey jersey, size adult large. 100% heavy polyester. This jersey is brand new and has never been worn. The Rafales only existed for two seasons (1996-98, both in the IHL), so their jerseys are impossible to find today in new condition, especially in adult sizes!”

Oh, and there are also two huge photos of the jersey. How dare I deceive these innocent customers who think they’re bidding on an “ancien” Nordiques jersey!

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