Ebay Morons Galore!

April 25, 2008

Oops, I forgot to update

There’s about a two-week gap in my “Funny Ebay” section of my gmail. No, people haven’t instantly gotten smarter; I was just having ebay-related email issues.

I live on the East Coast and I used to be an Adelphia cable customer. I used their Powerlink internet service and used their email service for my registered ebay email address. In 2005, I moved, and around the same time, Adelphia went under and Time-Warner took over my local market. I set up my adelphia.net email to forward all mail to my now-permanent gmail account.

Even though Adelphia is long gone, the email forwarding still worked, until about a month ago. I didn’t notice right away, because Paypal has my correct email address, so I was receiving payment like usual. I just wasn’t receiving official ebay emails, like questions to sellers, generic ebay messages, and so on.

Eventually I noticed, so I went to the ebay “Change your Contact Info” page. No big deal, right? I entered in my gmail address, but I got an error message. A very stupid, incorrect error message.

wow

What? My user ID is *not* the same as my email address. It’s the first part of my email address, but not the whole thing. There’s no “@”s or “.”s in my user name. I’m not going to give away my ebay name here, but let’s say my ebay name is doggydiddler. I really can’t use doggydiddler@puppyfart.net as my registered ebay email address? What’s the point? What purpose does that serve? Argh, ebay is unfathomably stupid yet again.

I ended up having to create a brand new gmail account and set it up where it forwards all my mail to my current gmail address. What a waste of time. So now I have the equivalent of doggydiddler2 forwarding email to doggydiddler. Thanks, ebay.

Enough of retarded ebay administrative bullshit. Let’s read some emails. I got this first one on Easter morning. Even if you don’t celebrate the holiday, don’t you have better things to do early on a Sunday morning?

Good morning,

I just recieved an email from ebay that they think this deal did not get done. Would you let them know that it was completed.

Thanks for your help.

This guy gets bonus points for being polite, but unfortunately loses them all for being stupid. I can’t possibly imagine what this guy is talking about. How would I let “them” know anything? I don’t think ebay just sends out random emails like this, either. This guy didn’t send his name, item number or anything with his email, so I can’t even figure out what transaction he’s talking about. What a nutbar.

This next idiot is the kind of idiot I can really support. Dumb as shit, but always bids on my stuff, usually the stuff I post as a joke to see if anyone will bite. He has absolutely no writing or reading skills, but spends thousands of dollars a month on ebay trash. I get frequent emails like this:

is this authentic jersey and how much this jersey goes for email assp

He leaves well thought-out feedback like this:

he is asssome i hope to buy him again

he was great

hew was fine i am sorry i have to go out of town

I really need to add “asssome” to my vocabulary. Later, this same guy asked me:

what do you mean by “a 2″ repair on the front”?

Only a special needs person would be confused by this simple sentence. When a jersey has a two-inch repair on the front, I honestly don’t know how I can possibly dumb it down any more in the item description than what I wrote.

I require that all bidders have a registered Paypal account on file before they bid, mostly to keep out garbage like this:

You ass…your item wouldn’t let me bid on it b/c I didn’t have a paypal account. Matter fact I do, your lose. I wanted to buy the jersey.

So if he really wanted to buy the jersey, why didn’t he just click his mouse three times to add his supposedly existing Paypal account to his ebay account? It takes about 30 seconds to do, which is much quicker and easier than sending me this stupid email. This guy is either ridiculously lazy or a liar. Sounds like your average ebay buyer.

Oh, and he also has 93% feedback AS A BUYER with over 50 total feedback. That’s tough to do without being suspended.

This last person refused to pay at first, then after I filed a non-paying bidder dispute, they paid and sent this:

did u received ma payment already?????

Yesh ah did!!!!!!

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