Ebay Morons Galore!

June 17, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Dear (me),

would this fit a woman? or is it pretty large?

– shuzkelly

Good thing women only come in one size or else this would be a really stupid question. The item in question was a men’s size small basketball jersey and I’ve never heard someone describe a size small as “pretty large.”

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June 11, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Hi,

Can I please cancel this order? Sorry, I wanted something else. Thanks.

Danny

I got this a full day after they won the auction and paid. By this point, I had already shipped and they received the notification email. Who the hell decides they want another item after they win AND pay? I never responded, the DC number shows the package was delivered, and so far, everything seems ok.

June 9, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Dear (me),

thanks for the feedback you never left me douche bag

– (idiot from Virginia)

This isn’t so much a stupid email as it is a funny one. I love how offended buyers get when sellers don’t immediately leave feedback. Who cares if all you use your account for is bidding?

Not to mention I don’t leave feedback for buyers in protest of ebay’s ridiculous new feedback rules. Feedback is dead to me, and I officially don’t care about it anymore. Even when I used to leave feedback, I’d do it in bunches (once a month or so), and I would still get messages like this.

June 3, 2008

Stupid Email of the day

Dear (me),

Hi, although I don’t have paypal account, I will bid for this item. I will create my paypal account tomorrow morning so don’t worry if I win. Thanks 🙂

– a_sixt

I think the simple concept of “Paypal Required” is lost here. Tomorrow morning is a bit too late to create your account because the item ended a few hours ago. Oops.

May 29, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

This member has a question for you.

Dear (me),

Hi, i told you 15 days ago that i wasn’t going to pay the article because my son had bid for it without permission, and i wanted to leave you a positive feedback and i hope you do the same.

Thank you.

– (Idiot from Spain)

This was in response to me filing a Non-Paying Bidder dispute for this jersey. She immediately emailed after the auction ended saying she was refusing to pay because her son bid, not her.

Yes, I always leave positive feedbacks for deadbeats. I love losing money and time because people can’t control their kids. I negged her and I think it was the last one I left before the new feedback rules went into effect.

May 28, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Filed under: email of the day, jerseys, stupid emails — Tags: , , , , — J @ 12:53 pm

This member has a question for you.

Dear (me),

ok this might sound dumb but it might give u a laugh. but i really want this jersey but im a poor guy and if this doesnt sell are u gonna put it back up? and also might u give an after auction discount?? haha if not its kool ill hunt it down.

– kingofcali2003

Yep, this did give me a laugh and it’s only proper if I share the comedy with the rest of the world. This was for a $10 basketball jersey. Seriously, if a $10 jersey is too much for you, mayhaps you shouldn’t be playing on ebay. What the hell is an “after auction” discount? Should I implement a confusing and impossible-to-fulfill mail-in rebate offer on items sold?

Shout-outs to my homeboys on the PAL Gaming Network, too.

May 27, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Filed under: email of the day, stupid emails — Tags: , , , , — J @ 3:09 am

This member has a question for you.

Dear (me),

I would like to buy this from you

– oliver405north

Epilogue: They did not. Why would someone send such an email and not bid?

January 4, 2008

New Year, Same Ol’ Nutjobs

Here’s some fun emails I’ve received over the last few weeks. I know the holidays make some people a little crazy, but this is too much. Morons in red, emailed replies in blue, ass-kicking commentary in black, MAGIC BONUS TEXT in purple.

I made an offer on this item, you accepted. then you never followed thru. that is terrible Ebay practice. I was hoping to give that jersey to my son for christmas. Thanks for nothing. I am going to report to ebay about your practices.

I read that email and I thought to myself, “Holy shit, did I forget to mail something?” I actually do try to get items mailed ASAP during December and my way of record-keeping makes forgotten shipments a thing of the past. I looked up their username and found that they never actually bought anything from me.

What happened was they wanted an item that didn’t sell, they made an offer, I said sure, “pay and I’ll ship tomorrow,” and that was the last I heard from them. Clearly this is my fault. Also this email was sent on Dec 18, which is still a full week before Christmas Day. I sent them another invoice and again, nothing.

Uh oh, I better watch out because they are going to report me to ebay for not shipping an item they didn’t win or pay for. I’m on the bad seller train, first stop: Suspension Town.

Let’s not forget that the item in question was a dirty Drew Brees Chargers jersey, who hasn’t played for that team in quite some time. What a shitty gift. I did that kid a favor.



Hi it has been 20 days since I have paid you for this jersey, where is it and why is your shipping so fucking slow???

I am going to basically leave you a negative now because the shipping is so damn slow, thanks anyhow.

What is the matter with you? I mailed the jersey the day after you paid via International Priority Mail, which is the fastest way to Canada, aside from EMS, which would have cost you $40. It’s the holiday season and the mail can take anywhere from a week to a month. I do not work for Canada Post and I am not your mailman, so what do you want me to tell you?

You know, as much as I hate receiving shipping status emails, I hate snarky, passive-aggressive bullshit like this even more. You’re “basically” going to leave me a neg? Just how would that work?

I love the “your shipping is slow” line too. People have to know that once a seller drops off an item at the post office, it’s physically and figuratively out of their hands, right? Right…? Oh god they don’t.



Hey Mario,

Any progress on closing the auction so I can pay you?

Thank, Tom

Who the hell is Mario and why should I thank Tom?



i not griping but why no confirmation

This email isn’t taken out of context. They bought an item, paid, and the next day I see that in my inbox out of nowhere. What?



Email Subject: just tracking down my order
if and when you send it out i want to no so i can leave feed back

“If” I send it out? Wow, I didn’t know that was an acceptable option. This makes sense, though, because I suppose if you’re the kind of person that can’t spell “know” and “feedback,” you’re used to losing money left and right.



The Quebec Rafales were NOT the ancien Nordiques. Check your infos before posting those errors. The Rafales were in the IHL.
– crj50

Where do I say that the Rafales are the Nordiques? Learn how to read an item description.

Let me just check my “infos” to make sure. Direct from my item description:

“Up for auction today is one Quebec Rafales #15 hockey jersey, size adult large. 100% heavy polyester. This jersey is brand new and has never been worn. The Rafales only existed for two seasons (1996-98, both in the IHL), so their jerseys are impossible to find today in new condition, especially in adult sizes!”

Oh, and there are also two huge photos of the jersey. How dare I deceive these innocent customers who think they’re bidding on an “ancien” Nordiques jersey!

October 26, 2007

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