Ebay Morons Galore!

June 21, 2009

Happy father’s day, asshole

I really need to stop checking my ebay email account when I should be working or doing something more productive. Had I not checked my email this past Friday around lunchtime, I wouldn’t have seen this doozy, included as a note with a Paypal payment for a stupid t-shirt.

Note to seller
Hi- I need this by tomorrow. It’s for Fathers Day. Please drop in mail today. Paying for next day shipping. Thanks, -Tara

I’ll let my response tell the story:

You know, that is an awfully presumptuous request. You have time to try to negotiate the price, but then you expect me to mail the item within a six-hour window, same day, during business hours when people work. I am on a break at my job right now, and I *should* be able to get home before the post office closes to mail your shirt, but honestly, I can’t make a 100% guarantee, depending if I have to stay late, traffic, etc. Like 90%+ of sellers, ebay is NOT my full-time job.

I have the ebay-minimum handling time of one day, meaning that the buyer pays one day, I ship the next. I accepted your offer before noon yesterday and it took you a little less than 24 hours to pay. It is funny it took you that long to pay, but you expect me to have the item out the door in one-third of that time. Had you paid before I left for work this morning (8am), there would be no problem.

If I am successful in mailing your item today, it will be before 5pm and you will get an email with tracking. If not, it will go out tomorrow morning as I have off. I hope you understand where I’m coming from with this email and the audacious request you’ve made.

Not to repeat myself, but I REALLY hate it when buyers assume stuff like this. I clearly state in all of my auctions that I’ll gladly overnight anything, but you have to let me know a little in advance so I can make it happen.

Strange as it may seem, ebay is not my life; it’s not even close to my main source of income. It’s essentially a money-making hobby. Yes, I check my ebay email fanatically, but that doesn’t mean I’m a walking warehouse. She says it so casually: just drop it in the mail today. If I have a long day at work or I’m out of town for the day, more often than not, I’m simply not going to be able to overnight stuff if you don’t let me know and pay mid-day.

The worst part is when they try haggling with Best Offers to save a few bucks, then pay late, then expect me to drop everything to get their item out within a scant few hours. Basically everything this woman did.

Luckily for this woman and her dad, I managed to get home and mail her item before the post office closed. It was 4:57pm. Another five minutes in traffic and they would have been out of luck.

I never got a response to my email, nor did I receive feedback of any kind. They got the item, so they have nothing to be unhappy about. Except that she paid $45 total for a $4 t-shirt.

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June 17, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Dear (me),

would this fit a woman? or is it pretty large?

– shuzkelly

Good thing women only come in one size or else this would be a really stupid question. The item in question was a men’s size small basketball jersey and I’ve never heard someone describe a size small as “pretty large.”

June 11, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Hi,

Can I please cancel this order? Sorry, I wanted something else. Thanks.

Danny

I got this a full day after they won the auction and paid. By this point, I had already shipped and they received the notification email. Who the hell decides they want another item after they win AND pay? I never responded, the DC number shows the package was delivered, and so far, everything seems ok.

June 4, 2008

Terrible Auction of the Day

Some people take those McFarlane sports figures and customize them to other players, usually ones that McFarlane hasn’t made yet, or ever will. When done properly, these customized figures are very impressive and sell for six to eight times the price of the original figure. When done improperly, you get laughed at, like this guy who made this disaster:

JIM KELLY CUSTOM MCFARLANE BUFFALO BILLS LEGEND NIP (item #220242349519)

Oops:

JIM KELLEY

Um…

JIM KELLEY

Niiiiiiice. His name is actually spelled Jim “Kelly” just so we’re clear. Hours of work thrown away. A job well done, sir!

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