Ebay Morons Galore!

January 23, 2011

What the hell is wrong with the Canadian post office?

Seriously. I need to know. Almost everything I’ve sent there over the last few months has arrived either damaged, massively late, or most importantly, not at all. It’s moved beyond a coincidental fluke to something substantially wrong with the system.

About 15% of my ebay business goes overseas. Anyone who’s read my posts here knows I think it’s good for business to sell anywhere, anytime. However, I am seriously considering outright banning Canada for a while. I had a perfect holiday season everywhere else in the world (even Italy and Mexico!), but about 7-8 packages just never arrived to Canada, leading to constant refunds and several negative feedbacks, even though I did all I could to help the buyers. I’ve been shipping from three different post office locations, so it’s not like someone in “the back” is stealing my Canadian packages, which is a pretty paranoid way of thinking anyway.

This week alone, I received two negs from western Canada for non-receipt. I first asked for patience, that mail to Canada has been slow recently (especially during the holidays), and they act like I called their sisters a bunch of sloppy whores. God forbid you insult the infallible Canada Post! Both buyers actually refused refunds and apologies for the inconveniences because I said the fault lies with their countries’ mail delivery service. They’d rather neg and get nothing (if you think a refund offer is still on the table after a neg, you’re nuts).

An email: “Do NOT say it takes long because it’s international. I’ve sent and received stuff to/from US – it NEVER takes a month – it arrives within a week if not 2. Even items from Asia don’t take a month. It wasn’t even holiday season back when I purchased it.

Ignoring the fact he considers the second week of December to not be part of the holiday season, it’s a dumb email. Even the packages that do make it into the buyer’s hands take no less than 10-14 days. This is not just my experience; other sellers I know experience the same results. Three to four weeks is in no way unusual, but according to this buyer, it’s never happened in the history of Canada. Thanks anyway, guy with 60 feedback!

Later, his neg: “Item NEVER received. Blames on the postal service. Irresponsible. Do NOT trust.

Really now, what more can I possibly do once I drop the package off at the PO? Of course I’m blaming the Canadian post office. The address is written 100% legibly and the customs form is always on the front or top and is filled out correctly. If there’s no item 30-35 days after the mailing date, I’ll send a refund. Wow, that’s pretty irresponsible. (I realize I’m being snarky now, but my emails are actually professional to the buyers until the transaction has officially been ruined, so don’t think my ‘tude is causing the bad feedback)

So, I have three choices right now (aside from doing nothing and hoping it’s all a giant, expensive fluke):

1) Continue to ship to Canada, jack up shipping ~30%, and give a refund at the earliest possible moment to any Canadian who complains, even if it’s hours later. I will not speak ill of Canada Post because Canada Post is perfect and asking for patience will only make the buyer angry, and I won’t like him when he’s angry.

2) Continue to ship to Canada, jack up shipping to Priority/Express Mail costs. This is a HUGE price increase, since I mostly sell items that are under a pound, meaning the shipping price will likely more than double. Unless it fits in a Flat Rate envelope/box (less than half do, since I sell a lot of 5950 hats which go in a custom box), this’ll cost, bare minimum (no handling fees), $21. Not appealing when most items I sell go for about $10-20. I’ll have a tracking number, which is good, but Priority items to Canada have gone missing before.

3) Ban Canada outright from future sales. Will definitely hurt business, but will have a nice catharsis effect. Will probably lead to a giant flashing text box in all listings taunting Canada while thanking them for all the negs, which will probably hurt business more.

I’m leaning towards #1, but 2 or 3 might happen too. A colleague mentioned a variation of #2, in which anyone outside of the province of Ontario MUST pay for Priority shipping, since that’s where a majority of the non-receipt problems come from. Not a bad idea, but there’s no way to officially discriminate against Canadian provinces in your ebay listing, and packages still go missing to Ontario.

Comments, suggestions, similar horror stories to share?

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May 11, 2009

Ban sandrine-77

Ebay user sandrine-77 is a French couple who make selling on ebay an absolute nightmare.

These worthless shitstains, Jerome and Sandrine Fuchey, buy dozens of children’s toys a week, pay late if at all, then leave negative/neutral feedback for non-French sellers about 20% of the time. I know this because I had the misfortune of dealing with them a while back.

They negged me (three out of four in my Worst Week Ever (see previous update)) seemingly out of the blue. What happened? They bought a pair of Adidas shorts from me and instantly refused to pay. They said the shipping was too high. Well, all shipping costs are listed in three different places, and honestly, my shipping rates are more than fair. I’m not mootown, who charges $11 to mail a t-shirt.

I filed a dispute about 10 days after the item ended, and five days later, sandrine-77 responded. He (I’m going with “he” from herein, because Jerome is the one who paid) said he was sorry for the late payment and that it would be completed the next day. Fine. It sold for a good amount and I just wanted the money. Payment arrived, I shipped, and I didn’t hear anything for about a month, so I figured all was well.

Nope.  29 days after he paid, Jerome emailed me and demanded that he receive a full shipping refund or else he was going to neg me. He said the postage on the package did not match the exact amount he paid, so only a full shipping refund would do (of course). Now, I don’t give partial refunds for this reason, as I have a clear handling fee on all international items. God forbid I charge $1-2 more than the actual cost of postage. I linked him with the FAQ where this policy is completely outlined and a few minutes later I get negged, in French. Sweet.

To not give my account away here, I won’t repeat it verbatim, but essentially it said “no communication, dishonest seller, I don’t agree with his policies.”

Welp, this is a clear violation of ebay’s Feedback Extortion policy, so let’s give them an email. I hear back from them in a few days and they tell me no violation had occurred and nothing would be done. Oh right, I had forgotten that ebay/Paypal always takes the buyer’s side, no matter what.

We exchanged some pointless vulgar emails, because at that point, who cares. Here are some excerpts, his emails translated from French to English via Google’s language tools.

Thanks for the feedback, asshole. Please do all sellers a favor and leave ebay forever. YOU ARE WORTHLESS. This is why sellers refuse to ship overseas and charge handling fees. Go fuck yourself.

Enculer Fuck you, asshole and damage, I notify ebay of your dishonesty and good luck, you know the rules are not complied with poor nase ebay, you will learn and hello suspension of account, Tchao pignouf … … … … ..

Good luck with that. I haven’t done anything wrong and ebay will agree. WHY DID YOU BID IF YOU DIDN’T LIKE THE SHIPPING PRICE? How dumb are you?

Yeah me too but one day I wanted to play CON like you and I got it in the ass as you will, good courage … … … … … … …. L)

Uh, yeah… Good one…?

Anyway, at this point I checked the feedback he left other sellers and I was absolutely floored by what this guy is able to get away with. Just look for yourself (click me). Look at all those negs! Ignore all the feedback left for buyers and French sellers and check out all the red and grey!

These simply cannot all be bad transactions. Taking a closer look, almost all of the negs sandrine-77 leaves are for good sellers who don’t frequently get negged. Many of the negs involve petty non-issues a normal person would ignore. A lot of them are complaining about the shipping cost, but every single auction has the shipping cost listed. Why bid if you don’t like the listed price? I seriously do not understand this.

Many of his negs mention bad or no communication. I find it hard to believe that all of these sellers are ignoring his emails. Hell, he said that about me, and I responded to all one email he sent before negging me.

At this point, I had to email some of these sellers to hear their side of the story. I got some responses and here they are (names removed):

Hi, Thanks for your email. I too tried calling the 1-800 number for a resolution and they were of no help to me. This person purchased7 items, did not pay for them. filed a dispute and clsed it. After the closing of the dispute, they paid for it. The next day he/she filed a paypal dispute stating non-receipt. The seven strikes on their account were reversed by paypal and she was able to give me 7 negative feedbacks. I don’t understand how that’s fair. If you have any luck let me know. Thanks

***********************

Thanks a lot. I am reporting it and plan to make the case that he is tying to use feedback to extort money from people. My case was similar. He asked me how much shipping would be and then bid on my item. I charged him what I told him I would for shipping, and then he demanded a refund for a portion of the shipping he felt was unfair, although it was exactly what I quoted. I am hoping eBay will resolve this. I am writing it up and submitting it tomorrow. Thanks again for the message!

***********************

Hey,
Just an FYI, I went to eBay about sandrine77 and eBay said that he did not violate any policies.  So I guess eBay feels that feedback extortion is OK.  What a joke.  Hope it went better for you.

No, it didn’t, but we already knew that. I’m going to email some of the more recent sellers and see if I can get more stories. Maybe if enough good sellers report sandrine-77, we can boot his worthless ass off of ebay forever (yeah right). If you’re reading this and you sell, make sure you add them to your blocked bidder list. You never know.

If you are somehow reading this page, sandrine-77, abattre toi-même (but first leave some positives for all the sellers you’ve bought stuff from).

November 13, 2008

BEST WEEK EVER!!!! (part one)

And of course by “best” I mean “complete disaster.” Except that “complete disaster week ever” doesn’t make any sense, but you get my drift. This week, I achieved something I had never done before in the modern era of selling (post-VCD for me) — three negs and a neutral feedback, absolutely none of them my fault. And on top of that, the neutral feedback guy stole ~$450 worth of stuff/money from me. Awesome.

Actually, it wasn’t even a week. They all came in the same three-and-a-half day span. It was like I got six months’ worth of morons out of the way all at once.

Yeah, obviously I’ve gotten bad feedback before, plenty of them, but never this many in a row and never completely out of the blue like this. Here’s the breakdown:

Neutral feedback: Item never arrived but paypal got my money back…$30 shipping for that?

The item was an expensive hockey jersey and it was going to the Vancouver area. I shipped it two days after they paid via Priority Mail. Barely ten days after he paid for the item (seven business days), the buyer starts going nuts. Here’s the first exchange:

Hey,

I paid $30 for shipping so where is the jersey? I would expect it to arrive pretty damn fast at that rate!

It was mailed soon after you paid via International Priority Mail. Keep in mind that it can still take up to 2 weeks for items to arrive sent via that method.

At this point, he opens a Paypal dispute and immediately escalates it. I know I’m fucked, because there is no tracking number with Priority Mail, only EMI/Global Express, which I didn’t use because it would have cost $45-60 for such a heavy item. I can’t win the dispute; I need to have him close it himself. The package had to arrive within the next 10 days or he’s getting all of his money back, S&H included.

Keep in mind I live on the east coast (American side), so even with Priority shipping, it can still take a while. I make Priority mandatory for all expensive items to eliminate the chance of the item being lost and to keep the crybaby Canadians quiet. Until this point, I had never lost a package shipped via Priority, domestic or international.

I tried reasoning with him, telling him to be patient and that it would be there soon. I even scanned in the dated customs form, proving that I had mailed it when I said I did. It wasn’t a timely item. It wasn’t like he was going to a game or was meeting a player for autographs or something. He’s one of those guys who buys cheap jerseys to resell in their own store. Here’s another stupid email from him:

Listen,

USPS express priority (which costs about $20 for a jersey) takes about 3 days to get to Canada. I have a feeling you didn’t spend anywhere near $30 on shipping which is why it is taking so long. I’ll cancel the claim when and if it arrives, I’m not into defrauding people but I will damn well hold you accountable for that kind of shipping fee.

“Express priority” is not a real service USPS provides. There is EMI (Express Mail International) and Priority. Not both. You can only use one or the other. Also, it does NOT take three days for ANY package to get to Canada, aside from Global Express Guaranteed, which, according to the usps.gov postage calculator, would have cost $69.75. It even says on the website that International Priority can take 6-10 days, sometimes more depending on exactly where it’s going. This is a seller spewing all this nonsense, not some hick who gets one or two packages a year.

He makes a big deal out of the $30 shipping charge. First of all, the shipping price is listed in three places in my item description. I’ll never understand why people bid but don’t agree to the auction terms. Second, I clearly state that there is a handling fee on all transactions, especially international ones since the fees are so high. Again, don’t like it, don’t bid. I say it in bright red text. Third, I was pretty close with the shipping cost. The actual postage was twenty-some dollars, which I proved to him when I scanned in the customs form one email later.

Yes, he’s going to hold me accountable for doing everything I said I would do. That, or steal my money.

I don’t think I need to tell you that I ended up losing the chargeback. I really did hold back on the emails. I tried to be as nice and professional as humanly possible because I wanted him to close the dispute. I know this is a website about snarky responses to stupid retards, but there weren’t any at this point. After I read the email stating I lost the dispute, I checked my feedback to see there was a happy little neutral waiting for me. How nice.

At this point, I don’t give a shit, because the dispute is over and feedback was left. I seriously want him to know just how dumb he is and that his actions were not acceptable on any level, so I went into overly dramatic mode this time. Here goes:

I see you have decided to steal my money with help from Paypal. Right now, you have caused me to lose a $350 jersey AND $95 cash. You, (NAME), are a thief. There is no other way to put it. You deserve to be locked up and held accountable for your actions. How do you sleep at night and look people in the eye when you know you’ve stolen ~$450 worth of goods and money from an honest stranger?

People like you make me sick. I proved that I mailed the jersey promptly via the listed method and you still proceeded with the chargeback. A chargeback that was opened at an absurdly early time. Impatient, idiotic buyers like you, (NAME), are the reason that ebay is a cesspool. You are the reason that most US sellers don’t ship to Canada or overseas. You want the convenience and low prices of buying internationally, but you are unwilling to accept the minor risk that the item won’t arrive or will arrive late. Yes, it’s the seller’s fault that Canada Post is wildly unpredictable with customs and delivery time. Keep telling yourself that.

Please, for the good of your country, leave ebay forever and buy your crappy hockey jerseys and N64s in your own hometown. Sellers don’t want customers like you. We’d rather make a little less money and deal with someone civil.

On top of all that, you decided to leave me bad feedback. Please, tell me exactly what I, as a seller, did wrong. Unless you wanted me to fly 2000 miles and hand-deliver the item personally, what more would you like me to do? You even made note of the shipping price in the feedback. How dare you make a comment like that when that $30 was part of the $95 you stole from me.

Seriously, you are the worst buyer I’ve ever dealt with in 10 years of selling and this is a new record of financial loss. You are very lucky that you have the veil of the internet and its complete lack of standards and rules to hide behind. Kindly fuck off.

We went back and forth a few times, his responses containing more and more idiotic nonsense that I eventually stopped caring. He did say he’d let me know if it arrived, so maybe me ripping him knocked some sense into his brain, but I doubt it. I don’t care about the neutral, but a $95 chargeback that I couldn’t fight was a new personal record for me.

I received the next bad feedback one day after the neutral and it’s about as baffling as possible.

Negative feedback: BUYERS REVIEW SELLERS NEG FEEDBACK…

It was one of those WTF moments where I literally said aloud, “What the fuck.” The item was an NFL hooded sweatshirt and I didn’t immediately recognize the buyer’s username. I looked up the transaction and I found that I shipped the item within 24 hours of receiving payment and she received the item two days later.

I searched my email to see if any emails were sent and there was one seemingly innocuous exchange. You tell me if this is worthy of receiving a negative feedback:

What color was this supposed to be and do you plan on leaving feedback for the purchase I made on this? Thanks.

Not sure what you mean. It’s exactly as pictured, with a throwback-style faded brown color.

Well obviously from the pic I can’t make out the color.

That’s IT. Nothing else was said. She didn’t say there was a problem with anything. Yes, I forgot to answer her feedback question, but that didn’t come up in her last email. I really don’t know how she couldn’t tell what color the item was, because my photos are huge and numerous. It wasn’t even a stock photo either, it was of the exact item because I only had one. Clearly, this one was 100% my fault and I am a horrible monster for promptly shipping the exact item she bought.

I reported the negative feedback to ebay, and they didn’t even give me a response. Fuckers.

OK, that’s a big enough wall of text for one post. I’ll finish this up in the next day or so.

July 25, 2008

A package from Texas (Ebay Morons Hall of Fame Idiot #2)

When I checked my mail earlier today, I noticed there was one of those “We Missed You” notes from the post office, telling you they have a package for you that needs a signature. I found it strange, because I’m not expecting anything, let alone anything important enough to be signed for.

I walked over, picked the package up, and once I saw who it was from, I immediately started laughing. I didn’t even need to open it as I knew exactly what was inside. It was an ebay item back from May, whose return was not authorized by me. Let’s start at the beginning.

In late May, this guy bought an authentic Team USA Soccer jersey made by Nike from me. He paid and insisted I use Signature Confirmation. No big deal, kind of a strange request, but whatever. I shipped within 48 hours and after two days or so he started sending me crazy daily emails like this:

I sent you $40 by paypal per our agreement for the White nike
>> USA soccer jersey size Large. Today is May 28th, and as of yesterday, I have
>> STILL not seen it in my PO BOX. Have you sent it yet? Maybe you forgot. I
>> don’t know. If so, PLEASE send it by SIGNATURE CONFIRMATION priority mail.
>> This way we both know I got it. NOBODY but ME signs for mt stuff at my PO
>> BOX just so you know. Please update me on the situation and give mt the
>> tracking number on the signature confirmation. Also, can you get me a
>> Germany white #7 Schweinsteiger jersey in ome white size Large also?
>> Thanks, (HIS NAME)

and:

Hi,
STILL WAITING for my jersey, did you send it yet? Let me know, and give me the postal tracking number for the signature confirmation please so I can look at expected delivery date. Also, what can you sell me a white home Germany soccer with #7 Schweinsteiger name kit and the Euro 2008 patch on the shoulder in size LARGE? Please advise.

I had already shipped his jersey with the SigCon so I looked up the tracking number. Turns out he’s one of those idiots who complains about slow shipping, when the item is sitting at his post office, waiting to be picked up. I sent him:

I looked up the tracking number and saw this:

“Label/Receipt Number: 9121 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Status: Notice Left

We attempted to deliver your item at 11:01 AM on June 6, 2008 in SPRING, TX 77393 and a notice was left. It can be redelivered or picked up at the Post Office. If the item is unclaimed, it will be returned to the sender. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.”

So it looks like you have your item after all. You just need to pick it up. Also, you were sent an automatic email from Paypal with full shipping/tracking information when I shipped, so I don’t know why you’re still asking for a number. Thanks.

I noticed he finally picked up the jersey two days later, so I figured all was well. Not so much. Almost two weeks later I got this:

Hi,
The jersey arrived and picked it up yesterday. Unfortunately, it looks like NIKE has “downsized” their jerseys a bit. Though it says same exact measurements as my Manchester United jersey (which fits me perfectly). However, the shoulders are too tight, the torso seems a bit small, and the sleeves are way too short. So I need that same jersey in Size Extra Large please (XL) instead. I put the USA jersey on top of my Man U. jersey, and saw it could practically “fit” into my MAn U. jersey. I know the XL in USA white will fit, so please set one aside for me and I’ll send it back to you, then you send me the right size. The jersey is really nice. Too bad Nike can’t keep their sizing correctly. Notr your fault. Oh well, that’s the way the ball bounces, huh? Have a great day, and please advise me that you HAVE set aside an Extra Large in this USA jersey for me. Thanks.
Cheers, (HIS NAME)

Note how he says he picked the jersey up “yesterday” when he actually did like 12 days previous. Did it take him two full weeks to send this email? Disregarding that, I don’t know what more I could have done for this guy. The item was accurately listed and I provided measurements. I didn’t even have any more size XLs at this point, so I just had a laugh at yet another worthless soccer fan and moved on.

Fast forward to today, about six weeks later. I opened up the package and enclosed was a letter. Here it is, with personal info edited (click me).

Seriously, what the hell? Why does he think I have size XL of this? Who just sends an item back like that, with no authorization? He used Priority Mail with SigCon, too, which cost him $7+. I’ve sold tens upon tens of thousands of items over the years and this has never happened. I’ve never even heard of it happening. This situation is so profoundly idiotic, I’m not even sure I’m doing it justice. Why does he keep asking for a Schweinsteiger Germany jersey IN EVERY EMAIL? I sold two or three USA Soccer jerseys in a month and now I’m his go-to guy for all soccer apparel? I don’t even know who Schweinsteiger is. Fuck.

I’ve dealt with three people from The Woodlands, TX over the last few years and all three have been functionally retarded in some way. What is going on in that part of Texas? Is the government secretly running tests there to create some sort of Super-Idiot-Manchild that cannot be stopped? If so, it is definitely working.

June 17, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Dear (me),

would this fit a woman? or is it pretty large?

– shuzkelly

Good thing women only come in one size or else this would be a really stupid question. The item in question was a men’s size small basketball jersey and I’ve never heard someone describe a size small as “pretty large.”

June 11, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Hi,

Can I please cancel this order? Sorry, I wanted something else. Thanks.

Danny

I got this a full day after they won the auction and paid. By this point, I had already shipped and they received the notification email. Who the hell decides they want another item after they win AND pay? I never responded, the DC number shows the package was delivered, and so far, everything seems ok.

June 9, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Dear (me),

thanks for the feedback you never left me douche bag

– (idiot from Virginia)

This isn’t so much a stupid email as it is a funny one. I love how offended buyers get when sellers don’t immediately leave feedback. Who cares if all you use your account for is bidding?

Not to mention I don’t leave feedback for buyers in protest of ebay’s ridiculous new feedback rules. Feedback is dead to me, and I officially don’t care about it anymore. Even when I used to leave feedback, I’d do it in bunches (once a month or so), and I would still get messages like this.

June 3, 2008

Stupid Email of the day

Dear (me),

Hi, although I don’t have paypal account, I will bid for this item. I will create my paypal account tomorrow morning so don’t worry if I win. Thanks 🙂

– a_sixt

I think the simple concept of “Paypal Required” is lost here. Tomorrow morning is a bit too late to create your account because the item ended a few hours ago. Oops.

May 29, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

This member has a question for you.

Dear (me),

Hi, i told you 15 days ago that i wasn’t going to pay the article because my son had bid for it without permission, and i wanted to leave you a positive feedback and i hope you do the same.

Thank you.

– (Idiot from Spain)

This was in response to me filing a Non-Paying Bidder dispute for this jersey. She immediately emailed after the auction ended saying she was refusing to pay because her son bid, not her.

Yes, I always leave positive feedbacks for deadbeats. I love losing money and time because people can’t control their kids. I negged her and I think it was the last one I left before the new feedback rules went into effect.

May 28, 2008

Stupid Email of the Day

Filed under: email of the day, jerseys, stupid emails — Tags: , , , , — J @ 12:53 pm

This member has a question for you.

Dear (me),

ok this might sound dumb but it might give u a laugh. but i really want this jersey but im a poor guy and if this doesnt sell are u gonna put it back up? and also might u give an after auction discount?? haha if not its kool ill hunt it down.

– kingofcali2003

Yep, this did give me a laugh and it’s only proper if I share the comedy with the rest of the world. This was for a $10 basketball jersey. Seriously, if a $10 jersey is too much for you, mayhaps you shouldn’t be playing on ebay. What the hell is an “after auction” discount? Should I implement a confusing and impossible-to-fulfill mail-in rebate offer on items sold?

Shout-outs to my homeboys on the PAL Gaming Network, too.

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